For Sale!!!

1984 model, Indian (the brown people in Asia) male, raised a Christian (believed to have descended from the “original” first batch of converts by Saint Thomas himself, documentation will be provided on request) but can take up any religion on demand even atheism and agnosticism.

30 years, 5’10”, 80 kgs, fair (on the scale set by the boy’s lovely grandmother), athletic (means not fat but a bit pudgy around the edges), with passable looks and receding hairline.

Is known to provide intelligent conversations when required and can make people actually laugh. He has a penchant for fine food and dislikes Modi with a passion (reversing that would require a very large additional fee). You can use him as your unsellable daughter’s husband or as a person to look down upon people or ask him to run your company (No guarantees on performance) or as an ornament for your lovely home.

We are selling him at a discount owing to his age and general failure to be successful (i.e. he is not in America).

We are taking bids starting at Rs.30,00,000. Maintenance cost per month Rs 40,000+DA+ TA+ Medical (dental included) + reimbursement of incidental expenses (like gifts for aforementioned wife)

Photographs of this fine property can be made available on request.

Questioning Efficacy

My cynicism is a result of the seething mass of filth that surrounds us. The more wiser I grow the more further I am from the illusion of utopia. Our existing models of execution of life's plans are getting defunct and its efficacy is becoming questionable.

Democracy doesn't work cause it fails to eliminate concentrated centres of power.

Globalisation is now becoming counter productive. Too much of a good thing can be dangerous.

The more easier we try to make our lives, the more complicated it becomes

A man is defined by his degrees and experience rather than Zest, Grit, Self-control, Social intelligence, Gratitude, Optimism and Curiosity.

We live in constant fear and uncertainty.

Food is left to rot rather than feed the poor.

Banks cannot be 'banked upon' anymore,

However, the middle class is still getting screwed.

So, I have decided to start a series of posts which analyse where we are going wrong. I am calling it 'questioning efficacy'

Questioning Efficacy- Appraisals

I just did my appraisal form. I had to be inventive enough to repaint my mediocrity to instigate an image of competence. Every 6 months,employees of various organisations go through the same ordeal of lying to themselves that they did something substantial, they believe it so hard that they fight tooth and nail for it to be recognised as true. The fact of the matter is the 90% of the time it’s the suck ups who get the cake. The guy who comes in before the boss and leaves after him, the guy who finds the all boss’s jokes to be the best that he has ever heard, the guy who is from his own town, the guy who developed a cigarette addiction just because his boss had one. You know that guy; he’s the asshole who stole your ideas.

For me, the whole process is a bit amusing, as the day comes nearer, I see people scrambling with wild ideas to increase productivity,the worst I have heard was a training for “better googling” with ppts by a guy whose aptitude on Googling, was quite suspect. Sure, he can search out porn for you (that’s basic computer literacy), but nothing else.

The worst part is, people buy this, especially your manager. I often wonder if I am specially equipped to see through crap like this. People aren’t idiots, actually they are. I wonder how people, the least able (can’t see through crap) go up in life while people who can, are marooned on an island of ‘bad attitude’.

The sooner we realise the futility of appraisals and the effectiveness of sucking up, the sooner hikes and promotions will come your way. So, go ahead, be that asshole

Getting Out of Recession

Economic books have been fervently revisited in the recent past by economists trying to find out a way out of this drab recession. The race to find the ‘optimum’ solution has led to two prominent schools of thought to come into the picture. One tells the government to spend and the other to tighten the purse strings.

Keynes helped the world to get out of the Great Depression by prescribing spending; spending by the government on roads and infrastructure. This led to people getting employed and they got money to increase consumption, this led to a revival of the industries and then the economy.

The 2008 recession was caused by people spending too much and that too, money that they didn’t have. It was a disaster waiting to happen. Economists didn’t regulate this because nobody says stop when the going is good. The world did its share of bailouts and managed to sprout a new life. The greedy bankers had lavish parties and their large bonuses were plastered all over the newspapers. People clearly didn’t like that (Occupy Wall Street), any spending of public money was curtailed and whatever little was done, was done very cautiously.

Meanwhile, the idiots in Europe had forgotten to stop spending since the war, so they had taken billions of Euros in bonds and loans that they couldn’t pay back even if their cheeses depended on it. Fortunately, they had the EU to take care of their fat behinds, actually only Germany was there, so Merkel being a proper Margaret Thatcher told them to tighten their belts if they wanted money for food and wine.  That’s how “Austerity” came into the picture. People working in the government, which is actually a huge number, are now forced to drink only €1/ bottle wine.  People lose their confidence, consumption reduces, companies try hard to reduce their costs so they export jobs, people lose their jobs, consumption reduces further and the cycle continues

Where is the money? Let’s rewind back to pre-2008.  People bought property, pushing property prices, banks realising this opportunity starting giving sub prime loans, these were then packaged and sold off to idiots, the banks then had more money to lend, so they gave to more sub prime people, the prices went up again, the sub prime people took more loans on the same property by getting it reassessed. People spent this money by consuming goods and investing in more property. So, all this money is locked up with big companies (Apple has more than $100 billion in cash reserves), with banks and with shrewd people (the 1 percent-ers)

The problem now is that the governments and the middle class don’t have any money. Money being with the rich is useless in the bigger scheme of things. Unlocking this money is the only way out of this mess. 


If we are going with ‘spending’ then we should get them to invest in things by giving them huge deal sweeteners. So they will spend for their own profit and incidentally, revive the economy. 


If we go with ‘austerity” then we should force the money out of them by imposing huge taxes and regulation, so the government can use it to revive the economy.However, the problem is that the rich run the governments.


Guess, we'll have to beg the rich to get us out of this rut.

Iran

After what feels like a lifetime, I am going to start a new series of blog posts. My career which has gone to an all time low has failed to produce an outlet for me. I have decided to write again as desperate attempt to keep my faculties from shutting down.

Iran seems to be the flavour of the month. The Arab Spring has left the Middle East in confusion and uncertainty. To those of you who are just joining the show, the Arab Spring was a round of protests that sparked off across the Middle East starting from Tunisia. This led to several dictatorships to being toppled and newly elected governments to come up.

Let’s try to understand the Iranian situation a bit

Iran has oil, lots of it. The second largest reserve of conventional oil in the world

So naturally, the world, especially America would be highly interested in it.

Iran’s incumbent government believes it has the power to be a dominant force in the Middle East. So, as a show of strength, they have decided to pursue a nuclear programme.

Iran also has a strategic advantage over the Strait of Hormuz, which handles major oil traffic from Saudi Arabian ports. US interest in this area has been prominent with the establishment of a base on the eastern coast of Saudi Arabia and patrolling by destroyer class ships since time immemorial

Israel doesn’t like Iran very much because the latter has been funding the Hamas and the Hezbollah to wreak havoc onIsrael.

The US is run by the Israelis is a little known fact either by sympathy or by being present in the power corridors of the US

The US has been looking for a reason to attack Iran since Mahmoud Ahmadinejad came into power in 2005 which coincides with Israel’s falling out with Iran. The progress of the nuclear program has now fallen into the lap of the US. They have quickly enforced sanctions on Iranian trading especially its oil.

Sanctions have been successful in halving the Iranian rial and putting a cash crunch on the country.

India has opposed the sanctions and continued importing oil from Iran

India and China are major importers of Iranian oil. 20% of India’s crude imports are from Iran. ONGC, in 2009, announced plans of investing $5 billion in Iran to set up a gas field.

India cannot go ahead with the sanctions because any such move would affect crude prices unfavourably. Saudi has promised to up its production to cover any glut that stopping Iran crude would create. However, India knows better. The very fact that there might be an attack on Iran has raised the crude price to $120 per barrel this amply shows how volatile the market is. India can’t have that as the UPA government has just about managed to soften inflation.

Israelis targeted in bomb attacks in Delhi and Bangkok.

Israel blames Iran for it. Delhi opposes any such view.

Syria is still fighting away at their incumbent despot President Bashar al-Assad who was responsible for the Hama Massacre which was so gruesome that it gave rise to the term “Hama Rules”, which means No Rules.

Iran supports Syria

The UN has not done anything substantial in quelling the problem in Syria because India and Chinahas opposed any such ruling to protect their interests with Iran.

What will be the outcome?

Republicans will take power in the US and along with the Israelis, would attack Iran. Destroy and decimate it, then divide the oil among them.

Americans will make movies and sitcoms based on the war and sell it to an eager audience

Who will gain from all this?

Certainly not the people of Syria

Freedom

A wave of unrest sweeps across the Arab world as they have decided to become citizens rather than subjects. A revolution which is brought about by people who want a better life by standing up to tyranny, there are no charismatic leaders, just a self organising system aided by the internet to mediate aspirations into actions.

The media is filled with opinions on what, how, why and outcomes of these happenstances. Jaswant Sinha, talked very poetically about the revolution in Egypt. It was a fantastical article encompassing utopian dreams and faceless heroes.  It really begged a reality check on how the world’s largest economy is doing in realising these dreams.

How different is our country from any of these? 1% of the population has most of the wealth and they are still robbing us blind. When was the last time a true voice was raised against injustice? (I mean, without any ulterior motives). Half of the country starves. Half of the children are malnourished. We don’t have food security, potable water, decent roads, working government offices, the list goes on.

India is a revolution waiting to happen.

“Can we look beyond the stereotypes offered by the media and see that the Egyptians and Tunisians are now daring us to be FREE”- Dani Hind, “From Protests to Revolution”

Name Association

Paris- Eiffel Tower

New York- Statue of Liberty

London- Big Ben, the grand old lady (the queen)

India- A congested road with dilapidated cars, honking at the cow insouciantly chewing cud and the humble stray dog resting on the sidelines.

Stereotypes and name association have confidently propagated such an image for the simple reason that it’s true. The more cosmopolitan among us would scream murder and try to disassociate themselves, while the “intellectuals” would propose wild Chindogus that are just that and the nonchalant would just sigh it away. The stray dog however has recently been the cause of a bit of black humour among these circles.

The recent opening of the Delhi Airport was a matter of National pride. The state-of-the-art facility was commended all over. Emirates was kind enough to send their big-boy jet -the A380 to mark the occasion. The new retractable ramp was waiting for its esteemed guest to dock while officials and the usual soiree of airs and accents were waiting to greet the dignitaries. However, the humble stray decided to make its appearance, delectably on the approach road to the ramp. What ensued was a comical ruckus of officials running around the dog, trying to shoo it away, while a hierarchy of screaming took place starting from the CEO to the groundskeepers.

Another pleasant appearance of the stray dog was when a bunch of officials for the Commonwealth Games discovered that their living areas were not exactly empty. It seems that the previous tenants ‘the strays’ were not given their appropriate notice periods. But as they were good upstanding Indian strays they heeded to the shooing away and moved out.

The reality that our thundering economy is not inclusive and our neglect of the little things would somehow wreak havoc on our grandiose plans seems to be symbolically represented in these scenes.